Talking About Big Feelings

Children experience small and big feelings everyday. Sometimes, their reactions may feel bigger than the situation.  

One way occupational therapists help children is by teaching them to recognize the difference between a small problem vs. a big problem. This helps children learn how to match their reaction to the situation and find ways to solve the problem. However, when children are having a big emotion, it can be hard for them to think clearly or use these skills. 

Emotion socialization refers to the way in which caregivers can help children understand, express, and manage their emotions. 

• Modeling: children learn by watching how adults handle their own emotions. Show them healthy ways to express and manage feelings

• Responding: acknowledge and validate their feelings! Let them know their emotions are okay and when certain behaviors are not 

• Instructing: talk and emotions and coping strategies when your child is calm so they can practice using them  

Parents and caregivers can help children build upon this skill by creating opportunities to freely discuss emotions and possible coping strategies. 

Starting the Conversation: 

• Talk about feelings when your child is calm. You can also identify emotions in the moment as they happen 

  • “I can see that you’re mad” 

• Validate feelings while setting boundaries 

  • “It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to throw things. Let’s figure out what you can do when you’re mad.” 

• Listen before you fix 

  • “Do you want to talk about what happened?” 

• Build a coping toolbox (deep breaths, positive self-talk, asking for help, movement breaks)

Remember that big feelings are not bad, it’s part of our emotional development! We want to help children understand what their emotions are telling them and learn safe ways to respond. Occupational therapists help children recognize their emotions, identify what their bodies are telling them, and practice coping strategies. Tools like the Zones of Regulation help children build emotional awareness and develop strategies that support participation in meaningful activities. 

Reference: 

Zinsser KM, Gordon RA, Jiang X. Parents’ socialization of preschool-aged children’s emotion skills: A meta-analysis using an emotion-focused parenting practices framework. Early Childhood Research Quarterly. 2021;55:377-390. doi:10.1016/j.ecresq.2021.02.001